If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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