You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Randomize
