Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
