Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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