so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
