I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
