it was like eating out sand paper
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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