so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
