She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i came on her dog
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
