All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
