; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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