Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
