I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
