pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
