i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
