It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
