I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize