My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
