pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
