It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Randomize
