You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
