im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
