I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
