Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
my liver is dry heaving
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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