You just made me feel so damn special
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
