It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
