Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize