I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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