Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
