This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
