At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Let's paint friendship bongs
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
