Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
