I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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