He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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