i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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