You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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