Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
