Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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