Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
