i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
