the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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