Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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