I accidentally had phone sex last night
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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