This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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