Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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