I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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