Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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