i wish there were pregnant emoticons
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
