What a fucking waste of an outfit
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
