Your dad touched me again.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
