I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
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currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
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We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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