I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
