if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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