my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I intend to get homeless drunk
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
