I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
