shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
