I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
