So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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