i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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