you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
