i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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