is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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