And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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