So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Panties = found
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