i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
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She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
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we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm always down for nudity.
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