I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
