How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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