1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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