ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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