hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
