I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
