At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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