You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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